I have been thinking about romantic ideals and how we apply them to real people. In my own relationship, I am at a point of discarding whatever I thought I idealized, because those mental constructs just don’t feel … real .. anymore.
We’ve become so accustomed to a language that talks about what we are entitled to on the basis of our spiritual growth – couched in the language of the law of attraction, most often. Put a vibration out there and you’ll get the same/complement/mirror of it. That became a call for ‘ You be a Goddess, and you’ll attract a God’ or vice versa.
I think that the vibration of the words we use and the way we use them needs to change. To ‘respect’, to ‘deserve’, ‘honor’, to be entitled to – in the past, especially with my background in legislative research – that seemed okay. Now it just seems like the terms of a contract for goods and services bartered. And indeed, relationships – especially the ones that transform you in the deepest ways possible – are forms of energy exchange.
Now I understand where that came from – it grew out of a growing awareness of how women (in particular) are socially conditioned to behave as though they are co-dependent. They’re taught they can’t live without man, or that they can’t be their best so that they keep their men, etc. etc. And if you’re in this place, then this rhetoric is probably going to be one of those tools that you use to help you move into a different space, with respect to how you relate with others.
But at some point, to me at least, it has become a crutch in my spiritual growth and evolution, and capacity to love.
So what’s the alternative?
First – and this is going to sound weird given how strongly I believe in the Goddess and write about Her most of the time in some way or another, but it’s what feels true for me now, so here goes –
I feel we need to get past this need to see ourselves in term of ideal-types – be it King, Queen, God, Goddess, Multi-dimensional Light Being, etc. Why not just stick with Person, or Being?
Those of you who follow my work, you’ve probably noticed that I never refer to people as Goddesses or Queens – Priestess, yes. But even that was a label that I ultimately ended up moving away from as part of my name.
It’s not because people don’t embody X, Y, Z energy, but because I’d rather see them (and myself) as .. well .. Substance, Energy, Vibration, Spirit call it what you like. I behave differently to someone who calls themselves a Queen or High Priestess, I behaved differently when I had the title of Priestess as part of my name. Why?
Because Labels have power. And I see them, more and more, as tools which ultimately become crutches. The kinds that hold us down and prevent us from seeing ourselves as – Whatever the Heck We Are – .
And just as I apply that to myself more and more now – it’s also entering my relationships. Let’s try the following thought experiment – see how you respond to it (and it’s all cool, valid, fine whichever way you take it):
What if – I’m just a person.
And, what if I attract/am attracted by another person.
And maybe I’m not the best I could be in some areas, and maybe he isn’t either.
And maybe that’s enough.
Now I know that’s going to trigger a lot of people who’d say:
‘but oh, isn’t that settling for something less?
‘does that mean you’d accept an abusive/bad/unworthy/non-Male-God-on-Earth partner?’
‘don’t you know you’re a Goddess and you’re worth more, you deserve the best!’
I’ve been asked/have asked those questions on numerous occasions – but right now – they seem driven by fear.
What would you ask is the alternative – Faith?
But without conditions, without expectations and with complete acceptance.
That means no bargaining with the Universe. That means no telling the Gods/Law of Attraction – hey, I’m putting out awesomeness – bring me some of that! Or – I’m drawing in all that I need and magically manifesting goodness and abundance.
That means no rituals, no spells, no setting intentions of manifestation, no trying to deck the cards in your favour. No asking for something.
And that to me – my friends, is absolute surrender. That’s accepting ‘EVERYTHING’. Not just the cuddly stuff, not just the happy stuff.
It’s not about falling into a caretaker/codependent role, it’s not about putting up with domestic abuse, it’s not falling into or out of anything.
It’s calling for much more awareness of self, and my fully embodied presence than ever known or felt.
And really I can’t put it into words.
My brother was asking me (paraphrased) – well – do you still have a boundary by which you would define yourself essence, your self. What would you do if it was not honored?
I couldn’t answer the question.
Now for a woman who is used to the rights/entitlements/legalistic rhetoric, and has spent much of her life fighting what she believes she’s worth, never willing to accept a shred of anything that would question her integrity/dignity/power/ etc… it’s a strange space to be in.
But yesterday, Something Shifted.
A Threshold was Crossed. And I’m not turning back.
I haven’t lost any of that, but they don’t look like the old boundaries, the old weapons, the pedestals of self-righteous anger and defensiveness. Love doesn’t look like it should be a legal contract or a barely veiled threat to come and dance with the Goddess on the Battlefield if you fail to comply.
Something new is coming in.
When I can better put that into words, I’ll let you know.
Image: Chlosyne lacinia.jpg, Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons